I strive to live my life with a simple motto, "always choose people," because at the end of the day, your job, your material items, and your social media will not be there to take care of you - people will.
I try to make people a main priority, but will be the first to admit I'm not always perfect at doing so. To be honest, maintaining relationships takes time and effort, but I know it’s always worth it. My generation often receives blame for the dying art of communication, due to the technology we've been surrounded by since we were children. We transitioned from using internet dial-up to walking around with handheld smartphones that allow us to instantly gratify our needs. I think technology is amazing and has fostered the ability to keep in touch with people more easily, but I also believe it allows us to hide behind it and create a false sense of community.
We live in a world where we follow, like, and comment on each other's Instagram photos, so we feel like we know what’s going on in each other's lives without having to put in much effort. But do you ever pick up the phone and call them?
Being surrounded by social media, my generation is more lonely than any ever before. This social media world makes us feel more alone and disconnected because we aren't actually communicating with one another intentionally. We scroll through our news feeds watching our friends take glamorous vacations, get engaged or married, and do other fun things while we’re sitting on our couch watching Netflix and feeling as if our lives are inadequate. But the reality is, people only post the best photos of themselves to represent their lives. Even those “happy people” posting on Instagram can feel lost and lonely like you. A perfect social media feed does not equate to a perfect happy life. We’re all struggling and lost together.
While we’re wrapped up posting to prove our worth, we miss the opportunity to authentically communicate with one another and allow for a space of vulnerability and intentionality. I’m not saying social media is a terrible invention, but I believe the sense of comparison it cultivates can be detrimental. So what can we do to better our communication with one another to allow for vulnerability and intentionality to always choose people?
1. BE INTENTIONAL
The direct definition of intentional is: done on purpose; deliberate. If you want to make, maintain, and grow relationships, you must commit to doing so. Make an active commitment to grab coffee, plan a visit, or chat on the phone with those you want to invest in.
2. NO MORE EXCUSES
“I’m so busy.” “I work long hours.” “I haven’t talked to them in a year, will they still care about me?” We could all come up with so many excuses which keep us from being intentional. I challenge you to stop making these and find more reasons why you can and want to be there for others.
3. CREATE A LIST
I keep a list of people I want to reach out to every month to maintain relationships. I also keep another list of people in my life and how I want to be praying for them - intentionality doesn’t always have to be something people see.
4. FAREWELL TEXTING
We hide in text messages and have the choice to respond or not, while the other person waits in anticipation for those three bubbles to pop up as you type. Stop hiding and pick up the phone and call someone. Even better, set up a Skype or FaceTime call so you can experience all aspects of verbal and interpersonal communication. I schedule FaceTime dates with my friends, even if it’s only for a few minutes - you can always find time.
5. TALK ABOUT DIFFICULT TOPICS
We walk around like mighty warriors, but should be proud to show off our scars because they make us who we are. Talk about your loneliness, broken-heart, emotional health issues, or whatever it is you’re struggling with. By admitting we have scars, we are just simply expressing our humanity. When we have mutual self-disclosure and empathy, it leads to stronger relationships surrounded by honesty.
6. EXPRESS GRATITUDE
It’s so simple, but means so much. Simply tell people you love them and they matter. Even the homeless person on the corner should know they matter and are loved. Express gratitude to your friends, coworkers, strangers, etc. It could be by thanking the cashier for their help or telling your spouse the difference they make in your life daily. I promise having an attitude of gratitude will lead to a more joyful life than you could ever imagine.
7. EXERCISE GRACE IN CONFLICT
Conflicts and arguments are not synonymous, even though many people believe them to be. Start by creating an open conversation by using personal statements so you don’t place blame on one another. Handle yourself with grace and openness so you can listen to what the other has to say; don’t jump to assumptions and conclusions. Also, address conflicts early on before they become issues you can no longer handle.
8. ASK MORE QUESTIONS
By asking questions, we express interest in each other’s lives and foster the ability to more deeply understand one another. Ask the tough questions, because we all need friends who hold us accountable and keep us honest.
9. LISTEN
It is so wonderful to keep in touch with one another, but if you aren’t truly listening, why bother? During conversations, don’t think about what you want to share next, but stop and truly listen to what the person in front of you is saying. Allow them to express their thoughts and opinions to feel fully heard and understood before you respond.
10. MAKE THE INVESTMENT
Any type of relationship, whether familial, platonic, or romantic requires effort, time, and risk. If you want others to invest in you, start the cycle by committing to make your investment by always choosing people.
Not all friendships and relationships last, but they are a gift and shape who we are and who we’re becoming. I encourage you to live intentionally and challenge you to pick up the phone and call someone. You never know what beautiful gift God may have in store for you today.