When I say the word home, what do you see? We all picture different places, people, and things. Someone might see the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, another might see their family gathered around a campfire, and maybe you see your childhood house. Whatever it is you see when I say, “home,” most likely vastly differs from what the person next to you sees. However, some never feel fully fulfilled with this word, home, because it’s too complex to pinpoint.
For the first 18 years of my life, Arizona is where I claimed home. The mountain ranges, desert landscape, saguaro cacti and the smells of summer monsoons were all of my senses of home. Our house, our dog Rosie, family gatherings, and endless activities made up my day to day memories of being home. I never questioned this sense of home because I didn’t know any other place to be home, but then the endless options of universities opened the door to find a new sense of home – maybe even a more fulfilling sense of home.
After 18 years in my Arizona home, I left for the California coast to create my new sense of home. The first couple years I struggled to define what home was for me because I spent most of my time in Malibu, but still returned home to Arizona. Eventually, I began to refer to California as home, which didn’t thrill my family as they knew I wouldn’t be returning to Arizona and be in their home after graduation. Quickly, the white sandy beaches, perfect sunny weather, mountain ranges, palm trees lining the streets, smells of the salty sea breeze, and bustling traffic became my senses of home. For five years I called California home, but if I’m being honest, Los Angeles always felt temporary because I knew it wasn’t my forever home. So, after five beautiful years on the beach and in the sun, I left for a new adventure and search for home in Texas.
It’s only been a few months in Dallas, but I have already begun to create new senses of home here. Despite being the first destination I’ve lived without mountains, it’s full of beautiful parks with large green trees and lakes, lively music, and truly kind people. I am definitely still in a season of adjustment as I’m trying to break my habit of claiming California as home and waiting for Texas to take its place.
As someone with a wandering spirit and soul, I have always loved adventure and travel, but maybe that’s because deep down I’m always searching for my true sense of home. I honestly don’t know if I have found my earthly home yet, but maybe I’m not supposed to. I could be in Texas for the rest of my life or I could move to five more states before I settle down, but only He knows those answers. I think I always search for a confirmation of fulfillment from a place, but only He can provide that for us and it won’t be found in earthly things, places, or people. I once read a devotional that so perfectly sums up everything I have always felt, but never knew how to verbalize:
Places will never fulfill us, but can serve as the fertile ground for God to make himself known through us. And if we each played our part, from Africa to Dallas, we would get to heaven and know that in our little place, we were a part of something too big to ever conceive of while we were here. Because, you know, we aren’t really in our true “place” yet. The place we were made for is coming: no place feels quite right until we are home.
No matter how many times I find myself calling a new place home, I will never be fully fulfilled until I am HOME with my Creator. Being able to acknowledge and accept this truth is so freeing. It gives me the ability to see each home as an opportunity to glorify Him for as long as He sees me there. It’s never easy to release control and let Him lead us to our next destination, but it’s such a beautiful journey when we do. We can do amazing things through Him when we fully surrender our lives to follow His call. I may never find my definition of a true sense of home, but that’s ok because I will one day be in the most fulfilling eternal home. For now, I accept and celebrate that I see aspects of home in Arizona, California, and Texas and possibly more to come if He decides to lead me there.