"Are you dating anyone?"... the dreaded question when in a season of singleness; feeling defeated when all you can respond is "Nope, I'm single," while every other day watching another friend post an engagement or wedding photo on Instagram.
Why do we have this instinct to pity ourselves while we're single, or feel the need to refer to our love lives as a "dry deserted desert"? Because the truth is, singleness is not a failure. Singleness is a gift.
Yes, relationships are a beautiful gift to be treasured, but they should not be our ultimate desire. I say singleness is a gift, because it gives us seasons to explore who we are, what we want, and grow as strong individuals.
However, let me take a moment to say how thankful I am for the seasons of relationships and also, heart-break I have experienced. To those I have dated, thank you for investing in me and showing me glimpses of what a great love may one day be. As strange as it may seem, I am grateful for the mess, the drama, the manipulation, the complicated, the deceit, and the heart-break you brought into my life. I truly believe we have the opportunity to learn from every situation we place ourselves into. I look back on every relationship with extreme gratitude, even though I was typically left in a pile of tears and deeply wounded by heart-break. In those instances, I had two options: 1) to wallow in my pity and tears or 2) pick up my broken pieces and look toward the blessings and lessons I had learned during those seasons.
Therefore, I believe my most transformational seasons have been rooted in singleness. It has been during the seasons of singleness and healing from heart-break, which have truly built the foundation of who I am. With that being said, yes singleness is a gift, but that definitely does not mean it's easy.
I admit, I have days where I'm the sad girl throwing herself an "I'm single" pity party or roll my eyes at an engagement photo, but honestly, it's such a waste of time and energy. When we transfer this energy into something productive, it becomes something beautiful and transformational. Having time to yourself, doesn't mean having to be lonely or longing for something you don't have. We spend so much of our lives waiting. Waiting to find "the one", waiting for the perfect job, waiting to be happy... but by waiting, we're wasting. We're wasting precious time we could be channeling into enjoying the life we've been given, even in seasons when we're "alone".
I was once told by a wise young friend of mine, "Pursue Jesus, boys will come, pursue Jesus." Her wisdom, spoke volumes to my soul, as I realized the insignificance of my singleness in the grand scheme of life. This time is the most precious to be able to focus on bettering myself as an individual and bettering my relationship with Him. Often times we cling to the stability of relationships, but this stability is fleeting. The only stability we can truly find is rooted in Christ. This is why relationships and circumstances are shaken, to call us back to His unfailing love, which is the only place we will ever find ultimate stability.
Our culture creates a false reality that our ultimate goal in life should be to be in a relationship, get married, and raise a family. But the thing is, these are beautiful dreams and desires, but we can't let them become how we determine our success. Being in a relationship is something so wonderful to be proud of, but doesn't take away from the success of singles, it's just different. Singleness is not a failure. There is no prize to be won in this life except the love of Christ, which has already been given to you. The Lord is ready to let His love overflow for you, you just have to be ready to accept it. There is no such thing as a perfect earthly life, but we can make the most of everyday by finding beauty and joy in every season.